What Self Abandonment Costs Us

Kelley tells the story of a surgery that went wrong, and the email from her job that made her realize she'd been doing her life wrong: "So when are you coming back?" In this solo episode, she unpacks what self-abandonment gave her, what it cost her, and how it doesn't just harm you individually, it changes how we relate to each other too. She closes with a three-step practice for staying open instead of closing off.

Key Takeaways Self-abandonment can work for a while, it makes you look dependable, gets you opportunities, even more money. But the bill always comes due, sometimes as burnout, sometimes as a health crisis.

Ambition isn't the problem. The problem is leaving yourself behind while chasing it.

Self-abandonment doesn't just cost you individually, it costs community too. Depleted, distrustful work environments teach us to be suspicious of each other, even other Black women who genuinely like each other.

When jealousy or comparison shows up, get curious instead of combative. Ask what you actually want, and how you can move differently, not how to take it from someone else.

Episode Highlights & Timestamps 00:00 The surgery that went wrong, and the email that changed everything, "So when are you coming back?" 04:00 What self-abandonment actually looked like day to day 09:00 What self-abandonment cost Kelley, individually, health-wise, and long-term 11:00 How depleted work environments teach Black women to distrust each other 14:00 A three-step practice for staying open: sit with it, get curious, ask "how can I get what they got?" Gentle Invitation This week, notice one place you might be abandoning yourself for a short-term win. Ask yourself: how can I keep my hand open without handing myself over?

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