Why You Sabotage Good Things (and How to Stop) ft. Dr. Marisa G. Franco

#364: In this week's episode of She's So Lucky, I'm sitting down with returning guest, psychologist, and bestselling author Dr. Marisa G.

Franco to talk about the science of self-worth and why so much of what we call "identity" is actually just an old memory in disguise. You might remember Marisa from our February 2023 conversation on platonic intimacy, which ended up being our top episode of the year.

She's back this time to talk about her new book, Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, and this conversation picks up right where that one left off. Marisa breaks down the difference between the "good twin" and "bad twin" of high self-esteem, why the healthiest people are often the ones who feel their feelings instead of pushing them away, and how memory reconsolidation can actually change the way old pain sits in your body.

Marisa and I talk about how attachment styles became status symbols, why "secure" turned into something people perform instead of something people feel, and why she prefers the term "secure-ish." We also talk about ambition, and why wanting more doesn't automatically mean you're operating from a wound. This one's tender, it's smart, and it's going to have you thinking about your own memories differently for a long time after you finish listening.

This episode is for you if: You've ever felt like the other shoe is about to drop, even when things are going well You reject compliments or feel weird when people are nice to you You've used attachment theory or self-help language to build an identity instead of understanding a feeling You're tired of the "love yourself unconditionally, all the time" messaging and want something more real You're questioning whether your ambition is coming from a healthy place or an old wound You want to understand the actual neuroscience behind why certain memories keep showing up in your body You're ready to stop shaming the parts of yourself that are still healing You want language for what it feels like to be loved and still not feel lovable Episode Links: Intimacy in Friendships: Having Healthier Friendships and Making Friends As An Adult with Dr. Marisa G.

Franco: Get Dr. Franco’s new book Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment Follow Dr.

Franco on Instagram: Check out Dr. Franco’s website: Sponsors: Dae: Just for She's So Lucky listeners, visit and use code LUCKY at checkout for 20% off your first purchase.

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