141. What Do You Make it MEAN?

What Do You Make It MEAN? Have you ever had something happen and almost immediately decided what it meant?

Someone doesn't call. Your friend doesn't invite you.

Your boss doesn't respond the way you expected. Your adult child isn't calling as often.

Or someone sends you the dreaded one-letter text: “K.” In this episode of Bounce Back, Black Woman!, Coach Del shares a personal story about seeing Facebook photos of her sister and brothers spending time together—only an hour away—when she hadn't been invited. Her feelings were hurt.

But something else happened, too. Being left out quickly became: "They intentionally excluded me because they didn't want me there." And those aren't necessarily the same thing.

This episode explores the difference between what actually happened and what we make what happened mean. Because when there's a gap between what we know and what we don't know, it's easy to fill that gap with an interpretation: She doesn't value our friendship.

He must be losing interest. My boss didn't think my work was good enough.

My child doesn't need me anymore. Sometimes our interpretation may be accurate.

But sometimes we've turned an assumption into a fact without even realizing it—and then started changing our behavior, making decisions, or questioning our own worth based on that interpretation. In this episode, you'll explore: The difference between what happened and the meaning you assigned to it How quickly an interpretation can begin shaping your emotions and behavior Why questioning your interpretation doesn't mean ignoring your instincts or excusing someone else's behavior How someone else's actions can activate beliefs or fears you already carry about yourself Why the meaning you've assigned to a situation may sometimes be the real bottleneck Three questions that can help you slow down before treating an interpretation as fact The next time you notice yourself having a strong reaction to something someone said, did—or didn't say or do—pause and ask: What actually happened?

What am I making it mean? Do I know that to be true?

The goal isn't to find the one perfectly correct interpretation of everything everyone does. It's to notice when your interpretation has quietly become fact in your own mind.

What’s REALLY Holding You Back? If this episode has you wondering whether something underneath your reactions may be creating a bottleneck in your own life, take Coach Del's short assessment: What's REALLY Holding You Back?

It can help you begin identifying where your bottleneck may be—whether there's something you're having trouble seeing clearly, trying to handle alone, blaming yourself for, or afraid to face. Find the assessment at .

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