If You Want Anything At All.

I’ve had, according to my resume, 8 jobs. I’ve had a few more than that: some not worth mentioning and a few I really don’t need to remember.

But the major ones, the places where I stayed for years and years - those have been pretty interesting because I entered those companies as one thing and left as another. I came in to the first one as a secretary, and four years later left as a “mechanical artist”.

Five years at the next place and I was a “creative studio manager”. Then after 16 ( yikes ) years at another I was an “EVP Director”.

There were a lot of other esoteric titles in the middle of all those. Most of my career mobility has centered on my enthusiasm toward doing stuff that nobody else wanted to.

Need somebody to wash the dishes? / calm nervous people down? / fix a toilet? / make a meal for eight people with five dollars? / work past midnight finishing the report? Look no further.

This tendency toward utility proved extremely useful in corporate situations. I was identified as a “work horse”, a boss told the clients I was a “swiss army knife”, and one manager described me as “an Ameri-can, not an American’t”.

None of these sound great. I don’t think there’s any MasterClass about being the one who cleans up, voluntarily, after company parties.

But I never minded the “American” thing: after all, America is not afraid of a little hard work. My key business assets: Endurance : I was raised to persevere - toil proudly, not stop until the job was done.

On my very first day at a big job in New York City, the manager showing me around took me to my cube and told me to bring a sleeping bag. I thought it was a joke until I noticed that most of the other employees did have one stashed beneath their desks.

My record at that place was a 33 hour shift. I was 27 years old.

I started out strong at 9AM, didn’t even hit the caffeine until about two in the morning, then when the sun rose it re-invigorated us all for a while - some breakfast and lunch kept me going until about 4, but then I realized that I was no longer tired yet no longer awake in any traditional sense, so I tapped out and headed home. And no, there was no overtime involved - this was just…work.

One person went for 47 hours, though I think she took some naps. Adaptability : I have a particular knack for taking not-so-useful things and putting them together to make a much more useful one.

More than once this enabled me to come up with solutions that could never be bought, only made. Duct tape was sometimes involved.

Also, I became the ad-hoc bartender at college parties because I could mix relatively obscure liquids together into something potable. Appreciation : Other people needed things like comfortable work chairs or bathroom breaks or respect - I found that I could exist on the much the simpler diet of purpose and paycheck .

As the hoi polloi business tripped and expense accounted , I’d be trading quips over microwave popcorn with my team while we built something cool. We all really liked making things and enjoyed one another’s company - we’d bring our kids (and pets) in, celebrate holidays with hats and food and original songs (my contribution), and had a pretty good time for a grown-up type corporate office situation.

Hey, I knew what was really important…they could keep the fancy chair. I didn’t have anything that fancy to put on it anyway.

There was one business lesson that I was taught twice. I’ve always ignored it, because I do not agree with its basic premise, even if it’s true.

The more robust version of this strategy was its second telling: a manager was walking past as I stood by the printers; he asked how I was doing. “I’m good! Busy, but good!” I thought this a fine comment to say to your boss. “Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that… you always seem to have a lot to do.” “Well, yeah,” I replied, “there’s a lot of things I’m trying to make happen.” “Yeah…” He looked around to see if anyone was listening. “Yeah, you’re working too hard.” I thought that was an odd comment to hear from your boss. “Am I?” I asked. “Yeah.

Listen, if you’re ever gonna be a manager or something you need to learn how to handle problems.” I enthusiastically launched into a list of solutions I’d come up with to recent workflow challenges. “No, no. See?

That’s what I’m talking about.” he said. “You solved all those problems.” “Was that not you said?” “No,” he explained, “I said handle a problem. Look at this.” He picked up a nearby stapler. “This is a problem, right?” He began passing it from hand to hand. “What am I doing now?” “Juggling?” “No, I’m handling the problem.

First it’s here…” It was in his right hand.“… and now it’s here.” It was in his left. “I can’t pick up anything else because I got this . But if I put it down…” He put it down, “…now I’m not doing anything.” Ok. “Ok...?” “See, I choose a problem, and I handle it for maybe like, six months, and then I solve it, and then pick up another problem.

Everyone knows I’m busy because I’ve got this thing I’m doing. You have, like, seven staplers a month over there.

People don’t move that fast. Business doesn’t work that way.

You’ve gotta to slow down… handle one problem at a time… you get it?” Sure, I got it, what’s not to get, but it’s always been harder for me not to do things than to do things. I was trained to make things better, even when it wasn’t necessarily my job, and if that makes me some kind of stapler juggler, then fine.

Though I don’t know where I’d put that on my resume. Maybe down next to “telephone psychic”.

If You Want Anything At All.

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