EP 31: Who Taught Us That? Men, Boys & Consent ft. Jamyle Cannon

Let's have a conversation that a lot of men would rather avoid. What does consent really mean?

Why do so many men get defensive when women share their experiences with sexual violence? And why does it sometimes take something happening to our mothers, sisters, or daughters before we recognize just how serious the problem is?

This week on (L)earned The Hard Way , Kier sits down with community advocate, father, and founder of The Bloc Chicago, Jamyle Cannon , for an honest, uncomfortable, and necessary conversation about consent, masculinity, sexual violence, and the responsibility men have to one another. From the lessons boys learn about sex before they're old enough to understand it, to the ways we normalize harmful behavior in our communities, Kier and Jamyle unpack how our earliest experiences shape the men we become.

They also get personal, reflecting on childhood trauma, the men who modeled masculinity for them, and why learning to recognize and respect our own emotions is essential to respecting someone else's boundaries. Because here's the thing: You don't have to be the person causing harm to have a responsibility to speak up when you see it.

This isn't about blaming every man for the actions of a few. It's about challenging the silence, questioning what we've been taught, and understanding that being a better man sometimes means having a conversation that makes everybody in the room uncomfortable.

And maybe that's where the real work begins. In this episode, we get into: Why conversations about sexual violence often turn into men defending themselves instead of listening to survivors.

How boys are taught to suppress emotions and what that means for empathy, boundaries, and accountability. The difference between understanding someone's trauma and excusing harmful behavior.

What enthusiastic consent actually looks like and why it can be withdrawn at any time. How grooming, coercion, and victim-blaming become normalized in communities.

The importance of positive male role models and creating safe spaces for young people. Why calling out harmful behavior among friends can be uncomfortable but necessary.

Why protecting women shouldn't require imagining them as someone's mother, sister, or daughter. The takeaway?

Being a good man isn't just about what you wouldn't do. Sometimes it's about what you're willing to say, who you're willing to challenge, and what you're willing to change.

So here's a question worth sitting with: Who taught you what it meant to be a man, and what did they get wrong? Tap in.

Let's talk about it. Content Advisory: This episode includes discussions of rape, sexual assault, grooming, childhood trauma, and violence.

Please listen with care. If you or someone you know needs support, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit .

Connect with Jamyle Cannon: Follow Jamyle on social media and learn more about his youth development work with The Bloc Chicago. Connect With Us 🌐 Website: Learned The Hard Way Podcast 🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site 📧 Email: learnedthehardwaypod@ 📱 Follow the Show: Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod 👤 Follow Kier: Instagram – Kier Gaines 📚 Get Kier’s first book, It All Starts When You Do , available wherever books are sold.

Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs the reminder that struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing—and sometimes the next step is simply being willing to try something different. Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions See for privacy information.