127. The 5 Real Reasons You Can't 'FIX' Someone You Love

Episode 127: The 5 REAL Reasons You Can't Fix Someone You Love "If they would just listen to me..." Whether it's a spouse, best friend, sibling, parent, or adult child, watching someone you love make choices you don't understand can be incredibly frustrating—especially when you believe you can see exactly what they should do differently. But what if the answer isn't finding a better way to "fix" them?

In this episode of Bounce Back, Black Woman!, Del explores what we really mean when we talk about wanting to fix someone we love—and the important difference between recognizing genuinely destructive behavior and simply wanting someone to make the choices we would make. In this episode: They may not be broken—they may simply be different from you.

Different priorities, communication styles, values, or choices don't automatically mean something needs to change. They may not actually want to change.

You can't manufacture readiness in another person, no matter how clearly you can see another path for them. You may not be speaking their language.

Sometimes the person wants support—but not the kind of support you're offering. You may be solving the problem you see instead of the problem they have.

Curiosity can reveal what's underneath the situation that looks so obvious from the outside. Their life isn't yours to author.

You can love, support, encourage, tell the truth, pray, and establish boundaries—but another adult's choices still belong to them. And that's where the conversation shifts from fixing them to understanding your choices.

You can decide how you communicate. You can decide what support you're willing to offer.

You can establish boundaries. You can decide what behaviors you will participate in.

You can choose your proximity. And sometimes, you can decide whether to stay or go.

A reminder from this episode: You may not get to choose whether they change. But you do get to choose your proximity to what they're choosing.

Loving someone deeply doesn't require taking responsibility for becoming the author of their life. Faith Reflection Galatians 6:5 (NLT) reminds us: "For we are each responsible for our own conduct." We can help carry one another's burdens without assuming responsibility for one another's choices.

Sometimes faith means doing what love requires of you—and trusting God with what belongs to them. Bounce Back Challenge Think about someone you love whom you've been trying to help, change, rescue—or maybe even "fix." Ask yourself: Did they actually ask me to solve this?

What part of this situation genuinely belongs to me? What choice is mine to make now?

Maybe it's listening instead of advising. Maybe it's asking a better question.

Maybe it's establishing a boundary. Maybe it's offering help and allowing them to decide whether to accept it.

Whatever the answer, remember: Their choices belong to them. And yours belong to you.

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